We've all done things...

It has been a year since I saw The Hurt Locker. I watched that again and it didn’t let me down – it’s still a beautiful and hauntingly film which inspires me to make films which make my audiences cry and smile, like I did. So I was looking forward to The Dry Land but was different to what I thought it’d be – but in a good way.

It was different because it was about what happens in the wake of returning, not about how is like to serve, and so this time there was a much more of a disappointed slant on the war – what I mean is that in The Hurt Locker I end up feeling that it was worthwhile – all the pain was worth it because they loved it. With James, the main protagonist in The Dry Land, I felt that his service, his sacrifice and pain was futile. The performance was amazing, right from the start I could feel the character through his eyes – the blue of them was hauntingly empty. He managed to tell me that the war is not an imaginary story, or a clever metaphor or something that is far far away; it is right here with the families that get left behind and it is brought home in the eyes of the men who return.

The Dry Land is a movie which has a slow pace but it’s full enough to keep us interested as we see James wonder what he doing here, back home and where is home anyway? It's not back over in Iraq and it's not here. Him and his wife, Sarah (America Ferrara) live on the outbacks of Texas - Diane Henderson gives a good review, but it was slightly misleading in the fact that Ferrara ‘shows true range as Sarah’, the main protagonist’s wife. True, Ferrara gives a solid performance and is not unlikable but the review insinuates that we would see more of her character development. Instead she is much more of a minor character than I expected. However, this does not affect the film as a whole in the slightest. On the contrary, each character supports the central performance of Ryan O’Nan, who plays the Iraq veteran, incredibly well. Not for a moment does the audience feel that we are losing him to other performances and we grow to see more of his thoughts with each scene.

The camerawork is not entirely steady, but this is good, because at the same time we can feel like we are part of the scene just that little bit more, but the wavering lines tell us that not all is well, their life together is unsecure.

As James struggles to find his memories, he struggles with day-to-day life as well. Taking on the job at the abattoir we are given a scene, which is incredibly simple, yet tragic. As James is shown what to do with the cow, we watch him recoil emotionally as the blood streams from the animal. The direction was great here because there was no coyness displayed – we saw every step of the electrocution – just as a soldier would experience every step of killing another man.

Small twists of humour keep the movie from becoming a swamp of darkness for the audience to be dragged through – later on, when James has found his friend, Raymond, you can’t help but laugh when he replies to James asking if his wife was cool with this (he’s just jumped in James’s truck and they’re about to take an unplanned road trip) you suddenly hear her shouting after him: “Yeah, we should probably go..”

The movie is well balanced but I definitely welled up at two points. First when, after James has found out what happened out there (he was suffering from memory loss and had gone to see his other friend, who he had saved, to find out from him), his friend Jason asks him: “Did you find what you were looking for?” and he can’t give much more of an answer than a slight nod. Is it really best to dig for the truth and fill back up what your mind has instinctively hidden and protected you from? Secondly and lastly was when James’s mother, as she is dying, tells him “We’ve all done things, James.” I felt was such a true example of someone else trying to offer him a small piece of solace and redemption – we all do things, nobody goes through life without a regret and so the best we can do afterwards is try to move on and recognise you can’t change the past.

Lots of small things impressed me with this film. It was a film which made me think things like: who is the luckiest one?; what have we done?; is it better to know or not to know?

So, it’s all coming to an end: first year. It’s been a real tough journey sometimes, but I’m glad I’ve done it. Thing is, I’m on this journey every single day, whether I’m at uni or not and I’m learning all the time. I ended today in an unusual way – on a swing. Yesterday I opened an email from David:

‘Hey, i'll be performing in kelvingrove park in a tree near the fountain tomorrow. From 5am untill midnight.

Come find me.

David. X’

I went along at about half past 10 in the evening and it was raining. It was strange because there was hardly anyone else in the park and the person I was with, Ronan, was in a Paul Smith suit with a massive red umbrella and I couldn’t find David to start with. I felt a bit like a twat but then I suddenly saw him, a dark wet smudge on a swing, talking to another guy. I have been to this place in the park a few times before, with the same guy I was with tonight actually, and I’ve grown to be really quite fond of the place. I thought of that later and I was thinking how interesting it is, how we can attach feelings to a place or a song very quickly and strongly.

Anyway, when David invited us over to sit with him, he told us that he had been there from 5am and would be there until midnight, 19 hours, each hour signifying each year of his life. He had started conversations up with random people and people he knows, like me, alike by discussing their views on how our relationships are formed, and how we are shaped – is it by the conversations and interactions we have with other people, our families and our friends and just other people?

I liked this idea. It appeals to me because I have happened to meet lots and lots and lots of different people and some have been a lot more interesting than others, to me anyway, but they’ve all given me something, somehow. Point is, I’d like my characters to have this. By ‘this’ I mean meaningful, honest (in the way they happen, I don’t mean for all my characters to never lie!) and realistic conversations, emotions and scenarios. People really do sit on swings and talk to each other when they’re 19 and 24 years old. People really do stand in the rain, even when they have a big ass umbrella with them and fall out, only to explain why a minute later and then walk on, okay again. People really do things that they mean, and things that they don’t mean. People really do remember things from when they’re two, three years old and some remember things that can’t be true…I want all my films, shows and projects to remember this and to treat people like people.

After a long conversation we’re asked to write what we are feeling at that moment in the book he has brought along and David takes a picture of us both. The bells toll and before we leave David tells us that he’s glad to have spent 34 minutes of these 19 hours with us and we walked home..

Films, for me, are a way and a place to share my memories, my points of view, my beliefs, my stories, my preconceptions, my daydreams, my journey, my life. I am using them to communicate, just like David is using his performances to communicate and interact and learn and share his emotions, knowledge, beliefs and ideas with others. I want my films to leave people sitting in their seats that little bit longer as the credits roll up, because it made them feel something unexpected, or it’s making them think. Not neccsarily agreeing with what I have chosen to say or show, I don’t mind if they disagree, because each and every opinion is different but as long as they feel something strongly, and perhaps want to act on it, or it helps them in a way. I want my films to be lovely, exciting, beautiful, scary, funny, long, short, truthful, unusual, confusing and smart at the same time, appropriate but not shying away from things that need and must be said – because all those things are what life’s moments are made up of, isn’t it?

**

I am standing under a big tree and the café is behind me, where my mother is. The boys are up in the tree and we’re playing a game. You have to get these blue square bits of clay, as many as you can and the one with the most wins, but I can’t get them because I’m too small to get up the tree. I am jealous but happy at the same time because the boys are smiling at me and it is hot. Then one of the boys, I think it is Robbie, takes my hand and gives me five small blue square bits of clay. I smile.

our pusuit.......

This part of my life....this little part ....right here is called "Happiness."  
 
This is the second time I've watched The Pursuit of Happyness but I wanted to just write abou t a couple of moments which caught my eye especially. 

This shot sequence only lasts three frames but nevertheless very moving as the lighting, performance, dialogue and music all come together to make what is an incredibly poignant moment. Little Chris suddenly questions why his mom left and thinks it was because of him. You can see the anguish on his father's face that his son should have been thinking of this, alone and suffering in another way than he knew. It's one moment a parent never wants to face because he had a life with his partner and they wanted to share a future and a family together and the disappointment in the failure of a marriage and possibly in yourself about exactly how and why and when it all came undone is huge. How do you explain that to your child? Another great line is said: "Mom left because of Mom." 
This line tenderly yet bluntly speaks the truth - some people cannot handle being parents and being strong for others because they can only bear their own weight. Those people leave. And Chris Gardner is able to explain this to his son simply and honestly but doesn't leave him in any doubt of his own self worth.      
The following shot is of the same mood: tender and simple. We see Smith's face and unexpectedly we then see his son's hand touch his chin. His little hand is so small next to Smith's face but the lighting makes his hand lighter. This a reflection of the boy's innocence and shows the contrast: Gardner is weary and older, older than his own years (there is contrast in the lighting of their faces as well; Will Smith's face is colder and more blue but his son's lit with a warmer, tungsten light) but his son is able to offer him solace and comfort: "You're a good papa."
There is an interesting decision to use the word 'papa' - I'm nt exactly sure how, but it strikes a certain cord. After the son never referring to him as anything other than 'dad', it's a surprise to hear him say this word as it's not often used when you're as young as that, and more so when you're much older. The line could almost be said by a grown up comforting his old father that his childhood was a good and happy one. 

Another scene which touched me is Smith's performance when Gardner finds out when he's got the place out of the pool of 20. The journey the protagonist has made so far has been full of misfortunes as he pursues happiness but has seemed to be denied it at every turn. But now, his hard work and graft and determindnation has paid off, at last. This news, as we know, will mean 
The few shots that impressed me the most, start when Smith runs down the steps into the swarm of commuters and society. Smith moves as someone would in a state of shock. The music, for the most part, is the only audible thing in this sequence and gives what we see more significance as gives it breath and space. The noise of the city is not given and for that we can start to experience the overwhelming expanse of Gardner's joy and pure happiness. Smith moves his hands as if reassuring himself, in a way someone does if planning something or perhaps when reminding yourself of a plan or someone who is retreating into their mind and speaks to themslves as a source of and reaction for comfort. The sequence is edited so the action is in slow motion which matches the soft music and offers a furher insight how Gardner is perceiving the world at that moment in his shock. His figure stands out in the crowd as his face crumples with emotion: relief, joy, pride, a trusting of own worth....the shot follows him as he turns in a circle in the sea of bobbing heads. The lines on Smith's forehead are creased with something beyond normal happiness... and he presses his hands to his mouth. It is as if he cannot even believe himself and it's very apt for his character as he wouldn't be one to yell and punch the air as some might expect after such news. Instead he claps. It's unexpected but fitting. He is with no one else so he can't hug anybody but he claps for himself and for the fortune which is giving safety and protection for his son. As the music reaches a slight crescendo you can almost physically see Gardner's joy as the focal point is pinpointed directly onto Smith. 

There are lots of things I like and love about this film but those two moments struck a deep chord with me with their coming together of elements which make a perfect shot.      

So far......

I've been looking at my books on storyboarding to prepare what Megan, Chris and I will be doing next week for The Root of Love. Mainly there is a large emphasis on the lighting and the moods you can create on screen from such decisions. I want to try and make the mood lighthearted and summery because that's the feel I get from the script and I'd love to use watercolours for the storyboard but I'm worried that I'll be putting almost too much detail into a thing that will need a lot drafting.... But I've always thought the more detail and effort you put into a project, no matter how small or basic, then the end result will be all the much better. Just looking forward to sitting down with Meg and Chris to see what they think and to get creative! 

The auditions went well and the call back auditions are tomorrow at 2 so I will be filming them again. I felt we are working well as a team but there needs to be more communication in the way of knowing exactly who to go to for what and we've not yet had a group meeting which makes it difficult to know what our objectives are as a group. Personally I feel the schedule is a bit odd as the whole thing is sligtly staggered. Obviously it is up to each dept to go away and work and prepare themselves for what lies ahead and do as much groundwork as possible, but the scripts are still being redrafted and so it makes it hard to think ahead sometimes. I would have liked the whole process to had started a while back and so we could have started together with a finalised script from the word go. Another thing I'm not totally satisfied with is that there has not yet been any feedback for our scripts and I'd appreciate any type of feedback, especially as i have a lot of thoughts about my last draft. I wasn't happy with it and I am still passionate about my orgininal script and so would like feedback on how to develop rather than leave it there. 

On the other hand i'm looking forward to the call back auditions tomorrow and so we can cast the film and then one stage will have been successfully completed! 

:) xo

CCS2 – Part One - Group One: The Last Picture Show

Set in the period between WW2 and the Korean Conflict in a town where 'a person can't sneeze in this town without somebody offerin' him a handkerchief', this film plods through the “coming-of-age” for two best friends: Sonny and Duane.

Sure, the theme of coming-of-age is a veritable one and not every film can be all action, but I want to tell Peter Bagdanovich that making a film with:

• a boring town
• boring people
• boring lives

will equal a boring film. This recipe is one for drooling chins and agonising pauses only.

The content is not awful, just sad: sleeping around for kicks, sordid pathetic affairs, trashy naked pool parties and copious amounts of indecent groping, but the way it's filmed is painful. I sat waiting for each scene to pass over with every reaction and action was slapped onto the screen with no reason but to extend the running time.

The only scene that didn't fail to send to into another fit of 'when will this end' was when Louis talks about her affair with Sam. It is strangely touching to see this woman, past her prime, talk of the one time she has ever experienced love with such resignation.

Although there was no plot to speak of, and some scenes should have not stayed in the film (where was there a need for child abuse?!), what I took away from the film was that you always go back to who will always wait.

"the midnight express .... it doesn't stop around here"

What a fantastic day!

We had our first class with Abigail who is going to be sharing her knowledge about producing in films with us over the next couple weeks. I found her class intensive because we were squeezing it in before 3pm (for Oliver Stone) but nevertheless really informative and fun.

I learned A LOT about production in less than three hours and I liked how Abigail showed us a lot of examples on the computer of forms used and how she went through each aspect of the process. Another thing I learned was the 1^st AD really works as a producer, not as a director’s assistant!

I had had no idea just how much organization that a producer undertakes! So much paperwork! But the satisfaction by carrying a film from A, its birth, to Z, way beyond the ‘wrap’, must be amazing. I love being organized because when I can and actually do it, it feels great. But I don’t think my talent is this, to be honest! What I’d love to have the detail of Abigail’s class on the subject of being DoP or a director because those are the area I’m particularly interested in. I kind of feel I don’t know exactly what the job description is for those jobs and Abigail totally gave us that inside out with production. So, whilst I look forward to the next class, I want to see this with directing and being a DoP.

I was immensely inspired by Oliver Stone. I’d prepared myself to be disappointed by him because most of my experiences with celebrated figures, especially directors, have been somewhat of a let down because of their arrogance. But he came across as lovely man who had a lot to say and as Adam said: “I hope he never shuts up.”

I’ve only watched one of his films, that being The Midnight Express but it’s a brilliant film and one that I was brought up to be excited about (I had to wait a long time before I was allowed to see it and my mum lived in Turkey for 3 years and there is much more to be said, but this is not the place!) So I was excited to see the guy behind the name. He has obviously worked incredibly hard and has had a very rich and full life, which came through what he talked about being a soldier in Vietnam and his views on America and life in general.

He came up to us all afterwards and we all acted a bit star struck and I fear I came across as quite simple when he had to ask me how old I was THREE times before I could squeak “19”! Pathetic! But hey, I’ll never wash my chin again and I got a great gansta handshake from him! (You had to be there.) He was so nice, a bit like a cuddly granddad, and asked us all what Glasgow was like and various other things! He also played ‘got your nose’ with Ada, haha, this afternoon was definitely one of my most amusing ones at the Academy!

What did his being here mean for me though? Well I was able to step back slightly and look at how a few things. Firstly, that I’m really lucky for a whole bunch of reasons. One of them is being able to study and find my talents and ways to stretch myself in the right directions at the Academy. Secondly, I’ve had so many opportunities and experiences in my life that will inevitable seep into my work as an artist, and I will always try and find new ways to make my films and programmes link to my life and the things I’ve learned from it– because that is how you can reach out and speak to so many different individuals at the same time. Today gave me one of those nudges you need when you catch yourself becoming a little tired, or lazy, or confused why and what you’re doing and so I’m really happy because I feel that another realisation has clicked; I know I’m in the right place to get where I need and want to be as a film maker.

I do need to push myself out of my comfort zone more often and I also need to explore what I like and bring it into my work. I hope to take kit out over the next few weekends we have left before the summer so I can investigate what I can create without the pressure of a project or satisfying someone else.

Though, I am looking forward to making our final film of the year and I really hope that two of our scripts are chosen, as opposed to one blow up doll script and one independent script. The reason behind this is because, although the scripts got stronger for the blow up doll idea, I still feel that our own ideas are much easier and have much more room for exploration and getting deeper with themes than with a lilo! We all have tutorials with Richard tomorrow evening so we will be able to develop our scripts further and then see if they will be produced. I would love to produce/direct one of the films but I’d really really like to be DOP as I want to explore this particular role much more.

Anyway, we’ll see what happens. On that note, I’ll be back on soon to tell you what progress has been made by next week!

candid....

I was on the crew for filming Candid Cabaret on both Sunday and Monday night. I really enjoyed the atmosphere and the process of filming the postgraduates on the MT course. I know quite a few of them personally so it was great to watch them perform professionally and see what their job is.

The definition of ‘cabaret’ is quite simple:

1. a floor show of dancing, singing, or other light entertainment at a nightclub or restaurant

2. Chiefly US a nightclub or restaurant providing such entertainment

But I didn’t really know what to expect when I went to Oran Mor and so I was pleasantly surprised. Each and every one of the performances was original and unique to the performer. I hadn’t realised that so much of the acts would be stand up comedy. I usually avoid and resist this type of entertainment because I always say that I won’t be able to hear the jokes properly etc (and I sometimes don’t, which annoys the crap out of me when everyone around me is wetting themselves), I was able to enjoy the humour greatly.

On Sunday I was using the PDX10 for the stage (voted in to use because I am the smallest...yay) which I enjoyed very much as I got the opportunity to use a different piece of equipment. There is much less prep involved for using this camera and it’s a nifty wee thing but the downsides were that it didn’t react well to the low lighting. The lighting caused a lot of chiaroscuro which meant I had to use a lot of different angles in attempt to get a nice image. Perhaps in post it’ll look different ...Only after did I think of using gain but there you go. My back was really aching by the end though, because the strain of carrying that thing is really a lot as you’re only using one hand and over two hours!

I got to try lots of different angles and get up quite close without being intrusive to either the audience or the performers (I hope.) I tried to get an equal balance of footage from both sides of the stage and I managed to get some good shots of the backing singers at the far back of the stage too. I also concentrated on their hands and extreme close ups of their faces that I thought might be useful in post.

Since the crews essentially worked on communication and passing things on I thought Flick and I did well on this aspect. It was so simple but so important that we kept a list of the equipment and made sure everything was secure down to the smallest cables. We were given a lot of responsibility which I liked and everything seemed to go quite smoothly. Both groups I worked with all came together to put on a comprehensive effort. This time I took on the 570 at the back for the ‘MID’ shot. I enjoyed this as well (my back didn’t hurt so much, but this time my feet really suffered!) and everything ran very smoothly. After each act we changed tapes and every two acts we changed batteries and this all worked out well. Though I had a wee scare when one battery looked like it was going to die on me but I just crossed my legs and check it constantly and it didn’t! Phew! Over exposure looked like it might be a problem at one point and so I played about with it for a bit but then decided that it would be annoying for the editor if I kept doing it every 2 minutes so I left it and hopefully it’ll be okay. We helped each other out when setting up and de-rigging and we pulled it off.

Some performances were just hilarious and I got a good insight in how performers can hold an audience is a small environment like Oran Mor and what made them laugh and what didn’t. Also it was interesting to see the performers use thei r everyday lives and personal matters in their work which is something I can relate to hugely, especially when writing.

I’d love to have gone to see the rest of Candid Cabaret but as this week is just so busy for me I haven’t been able to! But I’m so glad I got to enjoy the work of MT and learn more about using DFTV equipment at the same time! Would gladly do it all over again!

For next time:

• Wear proper shoes, ones that actually support my feet

• Buy a black fleece and wear more layers

• Use gain

• Take water and a sandwich and therefore save a copious amount of money