So, it’s all coming to an end: first year. It’s been a real tough journey sometimes, but I’m glad I’ve done it. Thing is, I’m on this journey every single day, whether I’m at uni or not and I’m learning all the time. I ended today in an unusual way – on a swing. Yesterday I opened an email from David:

‘Hey, i'll be performing in kelvingrove park in a tree near the fountain tomorrow. From 5am untill midnight.

Come find me.

David. X’

I went along at about half past 10 in the evening and it was raining. It was strange because there was hardly anyone else in the park and the person I was with, Ronan, was in a Paul Smith suit with a massive red umbrella and I couldn’t find David to start with. I felt a bit like a twat but then I suddenly saw him, a dark wet smudge on a swing, talking to another guy. I have been to this place in the park a few times before, with the same guy I was with tonight actually, and I’ve grown to be really quite fond of the place. I thought of that later and I was thinking how interesting it is, how we can attach feelings to a place or a song very quickly and strongly.

Anyway, when David invited us over to sit with him, he told us that he had been there from 5am and would be there until midnight, 19 hours, each hour signifying each year of his life. He had started conversations up with random people and people he knows, like me, alike by discussing their views on how our relationships are formed, and how we are shaped – is it by the conversations and interactions we have with other people, our families and our friends and just other people?

I liked this idea. It appeals to me because I have happened to meet lots and lots and lots of different people and some have been a lot more interesting than others, to me anyway, but they’ve all given me something, somehow. Point is, I’d like my characters to have this. By ‘this’ I mean meaningful, honest (in the way they happen, I don’t mean for all my characters to never lie!) and realistic conversations, emotions and scenarios. People really do sit on swings and talk to each other when they’re 19 and 24 years old. People really do stand in the rain, even when they have a big ass umbrella with them and fall out, only to explain why a minute later and then walk on, okay again. People really do things that they mean, and things that they don’t mean. People really do remember things from when they’re two, three years old and some remember things that can’t be true…I want all my films, shows and projects to remember this and to treat people like people.

After a long conversation we’re asked to write what we are feeling at that moment in the book he has brought along and David takes a picture of us both. The bells toll and before we leave David tells us that he’s glad to have spent 34 minutes of these 19 hours with us and we walked home..

Films, for me, are a way and a place to share my memories, my points of view, my beliefs, my stories, my preconceptions, my daydreams, my journey, my life. I am using them to communicate, just like David is using his performances to communicate and interact and learn and share his emotions, knowledge, beliefs and ideas with others. I want my films to leave people sitting in their seats that little bit longer as the credits roll up, because it made them feel something unexpected, or it’s making them think. Not neccsarily agreeing with what I have chosen to say or show, I don’t mind if they disagree, because each and every opinion is different but as long as they feel something strongly, and perhaps want to act on it, or it helps them in a way. I want my films to be lovely, exciting, beautiful, scary, funny, long, short, truthful, unusual, confusing and smart at the same time, appropriate but not shying away from things that need and must be said – because all those things are what life’s moments are made up of, isn’t it?

**

I am standing under a big tree and the café is behind me, where my mother is. The boys are up in the tree and we’re playing a game. You have to get these blue square bits of clay, as many as you can and the one with the most wins, but I can’t get them because I’m too small to get up the tree. I am jealous but happy at the same time because the boys are smiling at me and it is hot. Then one of the boys, I think it is Robbie, takes my hand and gives me five small blue square bits of clay. I smile.

our pusuit.......

This part of my life....this little part ....right here is called "Happiness."  
 
This is the second time I've watched The Pursuit of Happyness but I wanted to just write abou t a couple of moments which caught my eye especially. 

This shot sequence only lasts three frames but nevertheless very moving as the lighting, performance, dialogue and music all come together to make what is an incredibly poignant moment. Little Chris suddenly questions why his mom left and thinks it was because of him. You can see the anguish on his father's face that his son should have been thinking of this, alone and suffering in another way than he knew. It's one moment a parent never wants to face because he had a life with his partner and they wanted to share a future and a family together and the disappointment in the failure of a marriage and possibly in yourself about exactly how and why and when it all came undone is huge. How do you explain that to your child? Another great line is said: "Mom left because of Mom." 
This line tenderly yet bluntly speaks the truth - some people cannot handle being parents and being strong for others because they can only bear their own weight. Those people leave. And Chris Gardner is able to explain this to his son simply and honestly but doesn't leave him in any doubt of his own self worth.      
The following shot is of the same mood: tender and simple. We see Smith's face and unexpectedly we then see his son's hand touch his chin. His little hand is so small next to Smith's face but the lighting makes his hand lighter. This a reflection of the boy's innocence and shows the contrast: Gardner is weary and older, older than his own years (there is contrast in the lighting of their faces as well; Will Smith's face is colder and more blue but his son's lit with a warmer, tungsten light) but his son is able to offer him solace and comfort: "You're a good papa."
There is an interesting decision to use the word 'papa' - I'm nt exactly sure how, but it strikes a certain cord. After the son never referring to him as anything other than 'dad', it's a surprise to hear him say this word as it's not often used when you're as young as that, and more so when you're much older. The line could almost be said by a grown up comforting his old father that his childhood was a good and happy one. 

Another scene which touched me is Smith's performance when Gardner finds out when he's got the place out of the pool of 20. The journey the protagonist has made so far has been full of misfortunes as he pursues happiness but has seemed to be denied it at every turn. But now, his hard work and graft and determindnation has paid off, at last. This news, as we know, will mean 
The few shots that impressed me the most, start when Smith runs down the steps into the swarm of commuters and society. Smith moves as someone would in a state of shock. The music, for the most part, is the only audible thing in this sequence and gives what we see more significance as gives it breath and space. The noise of the city is not given and for that we can start to experience the overwhelming expanse of Gardner's joy and pure happiness. Smith moves his hands as if reassuring himself, in a way someone does if planning something or perhaps when reminding yourself of a plan or someone who is retreating into their mind and speaks to themslves as a source of and reaction for comfort. The sequence is edited so the action is in slow motion which matches the soft music and offers a furher insight how Gardner is perceiving the world at that moment in his shock. His figure stands out in the crowd as his face crumples with emotion: relief, joy, pride, a trusting of own worth....the shot follows him as he turns in a circle in the sea of bobbing heads. The lines on Smith's forehead are creased with something beyond normal happiness... and he presses his hands to his mouth. It is as if he cannot even believe himself and it's very apt for his character as he wouldn't be one to yell and punch the air as some might expect after such news. Instead he claps. It's unexpected but fitting. He is with no one else so he can't hug anybody but he claps for himself and for the fortune which is giving safety and protection for his son. As the music reaches a slight crescendo you can almost physically see Gardner's joy as the focal point is pinpointed directly onto Smith. 

There are lots of things I like and love about this film but those two moments struck a deep chord with me with their coming together of elements which make a perfect shot.      

So far......

I've been looking at my books on storyboarding to prepare what Megan, Chris and I will be doing next week for The Root of Love. Mainly there is a large emphasis on the lighting and the moods you can create on screen from such decisions. I want to try and make the mood lighthearted and summery because that's the feel I get from the script and I'd love to use watercolours for the storyboard but I'm worried that I'll be putting almost too much detail into a thing that will need a lot drafting.... But I've always thought the more detail and effort you put into a project, no matter how small or basic, then the end result will be all the much better. Just looking forward to sitting down with Meg and Chris to see what they think and to get creative! 

The auditions went well and the call back auditions are tomorrow at 2 so I will be filming them again. I felt we are working well as a team but there needs to be more communication in the way of knowing exactly who to go to for what and we've not yet had a group meeting which makes it difficult to know what our objectives are as a group. Personally I feel the schedule is a bit odd as the whole thing is sligtly staggered. Obviously it is up to each dept to go away and work and prepare themselves for what lies ahead and do as much groundwork as possible, but the scripts are still being redrafted and so it makes it hard to think ahead sometimes. I would have liked the whole process to had started a while back and so we could have started together with a finalised script from the word go. Another thing I'm not totally satisfied with is that there has not yet been any feedback for our scripts and I'd appreciate any type of feedback, especially as i have a lot of thoughts about my last draft. I wasn't happy with it and I am still passionate about my orgininal script and so would like feedback on how to develop rather than leave it there. 

On the other hand i'm looking forward to the call back auditions tomorrow and so we can cast the film and then one stage will have been successfully completed! 

:) xo